April 24, 2023

Along Came a Spider

Along Came a Spider

the Black Man With A Gun Presents, the first of the amazing but true stories to entertain you.  this one involves romance and a spider.   The story you are about the hear is fantastic but true. I have recorded it here for both my...

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the Black Man With A Gun Presents, the first of the amazing but true stories to entertain you.  this one involves romance and a spider. 

 The story you are about the hear is fantastic but true. I have recorded it here for both my biological family and those adopted through my faith in Christ..  It is my hope that it entertains, and encourages you.

Courage is being afraid but going on anyhow. ~ Dan Rather

Have you ever done something that you regret?  It doesn’t even have to be a big thing.  One of my regrets happened on a date.  It was not one of my best moments.  I was a shot to my pride and even now, I think I lost some man points from it.

The Karma wheel was going around and it was my turn to get run over.  A lot of bad things were happening in my life at the time. For example, I was in love with a married cougar that had seduced me.  It was great until it became an international incident.  To save my career I broke off the relationship.  She soon left the country, got a divorce and I moped around for a while until I found out she slept with a roommate as a revenge sort of thing.  I lost it and was in another state for a few weeks.  Homicidal is a word I think they used.  

Without planning, I rebounded with a young college student that looked like the Brazilian version of the Flash dance chick.  She was gorgeous and nice as she could be.  She was a hippie of Lebanese and Brazilian extraction.  Unlike almost everyone else I knew she was a virgin.  I thought that was great.  She was a beautiful atheist. 

That bothered me like a frayed piece of your shirt that is showing.  It unraveled a little every day, irritating your spirit.  But did I say she was beautiful?

One day we decided to go for a picnic.  I had seen the movies.  I looked for a red and white table cloth, I even found a picnic basket like Yogi Bear was always looking for.  Then I looked for a secluded spot.  It was out in the country side of Brazil.  Just outside the city limits of Brasilia the capital of the country and where I lived thanks to the dept of state.

The date was set.  The location perfect and we had a driver take us out for a ride to the spot I had found.  It was near a water fall and plush vegetation.  It was like a scene from the old Fantasy Island tv show.  All I was missing was a little person, saying “The Plane, The Plane.”

The driver stayed in the car and we walked through some brush to the place I had picked.  It was rocky on some parts but that was ok because I was going to sit on that side and make sure her perfectly formed body was on soft grass.

We spread out the blankets, tablecloth and started to eat.  We talked, and I made her laugh at ever opportunity.  Things were going so well I wished the day would never end.  But it did soon after that.

I was putting down my best mack daddy lines hoping she might be persuaded into taking advantage of this secluded paradise moment and go au natural with me out here.  My mind was already there.  We would make love in this scenic location and the memories would last for the rest of our lives.

I looked around and it was like Eden.


I leaned on this rock and it moved.  My weight shifted and a couple of rocks moved. Under one of them was a hairy very large about the size of a dollar bill Brazilian Wandering Spider. When I shifted off the rocks I disturbed it and it bared its red fangs.

Not sure what happened after that immediately because I was up and running thourhg the rainforest the way we had come. It wasn’t until I was in the car that I remembered I had left someone back there.

It was not my manliness moment.

When I opened the car door she was walking out of the woods.  I let her sit in the backseat and went back to get the stuff I had abandoned.  The spider was of course gone as was my chance a romance.

Normally I am not afraid of nature but I am a student of it.  I know a venomous spider when I see one.  Sometimes knowledge is a bad thing.

There is a way that seems right to a man, But its end is the way of death. – Proverbs 14:12 

We became engaged, but I never married her.

But that is another story…

Thank you for listening to Never Fry Bacon Naked  If you like what you’ve heard please tell somebody about the show. If you’d like to show your appreciation buy me a coffee. 

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